Solomon's porch

Going to post this before I forget.

Preparing for Solomon's porch I thought a lot of questions to prepare for CCF's reflection of the volunteer. Thinking a lot of how this volunteer not focusing on just helping the homeless but how can we show because of God’s love and grace we are doing this volunteer.

On the morning I felt intimidated by the crowd of homeless. Deep inside myself a voice of " How can I talk to them? I never really had conversation with them?". How a chatter box like me became quiet all of sudden. Only I realized, it is not me who help them. Because God wants me to realize He provides everything I was merely a tool/ hand does his work.

 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? – Matthew 6:26

Some of them are hard to talk to. But some that can talk all day. During the welcoming speech moved me. So I prayed God to give me courage to talk to them. I talked to a few, managed to pray for Barney. Barney caught my eye, he was reading the scripture and tore them after.  I ask what he thought about God’s teaching. I love how he puts it. “It is what God wants to tell me today” Somehow we Christians forget to have conversation with God daily.

I can feel the joy and eagerness of the Ministry. The happiness light up those people. Cant help but thinking what God is doing this in Heaven preparing our coming in Heaven and the Joy and eagerness of wanting us to be there in heaven like how we provided for the homeless.

The joy of serving together. I seen CCF people enjoy serving together. Not a word of complaint about the heat , the food ( well I didn’t like it), fatigue. Even the ministry people like us because we do a lot of labor. God tells us to love one another this is what we must show to the world. Be the light and salt of the world.

Overall it was a good experience for me and CCF. We will never forget this experience. However my personal views I may come out for this ministry more often.


Another God miracle experience. Ordered my food wanting to eat the pastry but decided to save money. The cashier asked if i have a regular card. Which I have but i didnt use for 2-3 years. She said I have a free pastry. Trully experience that God knows what I want He just decided to reward me . :)

Chatter box

Over the years in Big D. I known a few people. Its common to find me saying hi to anyone in any restaurant, Asian stores, cafes. But do I really knows those people. Most of the people I had conversation with when I was working. I tend to love to listen what do they do for a living especially from older people (they tend to have something valuable to share with). Few friends commented that I know a lot of people. But really do I?

I think the most memorable non related person I had conversation when I notice an woman kept coming to the store but end up smoking outside. I had nice conversation with her finding out she is going through marriage difficulties not with her husband but his family. I think I love deep conversation with people rather than hi-byes and those that saying wanting to visit me when I was sick but never did.

Maybe I just love talking

Love

Love.

How do you tell someone you care about her.
How do you tell someone you understand everything going through her mind
How do you tell someone you want to protect her
How do you tell someone you want to give her the best you have
How do you tell someone if there need a self sacrifice needed you will do it

She feels not care from you
She doesnt understand most of your actions
She wants to feel free from your rules
She wants better things
She doesnt need anything from you

Sometimes I just dont know how to be a brother to my sister.

Frustrated but answered

Really dont feel like going to fellowship. But i know its not right, even John say its ok. But i turned on sermon.. saying I need to love brother and sister right away. Conviction

God's grace

Realized its been a long time since I last blog..
But I really want to blog this to remind myself of what God done in my life.


I became a believer on April 18th 2006.  I didn't have much spiritual growth. One thing lead to another eventually I stop going church. Going to church became so strange feeling as if I do not belong there. I started to work at Escape (Plano) and I needed to work on Friday nights and Sunday mornings even more reasons to stop going to church and perfect reason to not go to church. But I promised if God really wants me to go back to church, He would find a way.

God planned everything.

Aldi had bought up the complex and forced Escape (Plano) to close. Mr. Kim asked me to help me at his baker department in Irving but I'm free on weekends. I remembered the promised I made with God that I would return to church if my weekend freed. However returning wont be easy, I know no one besides John and Maggie (the counselors). The thoughts of answering people's question where I have been all this while. But a promise is a promise.

Brothers and sisters at fellowship are so young...





The pain begins

Backaches its always been off and on especially from intense basketball game. But one night after Sports Night with CCF, as I get off the car to my friends farewell outing. I felt (funny bone shock) waist down to the end of my toes. I begin to take Advil to subdue the pain I feel from my back. I can finish a 300 tablets in a month.

Slowly losing my leg strength, walking with a walking stick. Losing my ability to control my bladder, peeing in my own pants. Falling on the street where a bunch of people looking at me. I am slowly losing my pride.. Eventually a friend doctor (David Lo) to run some test on me and ordered MRI scans. He told me this doesn't look good I need to check this out as soon as possible. I remembered feeling really worried and called up Maggie to pray for me. I had enough courage to go to work that day.

The results.

The result came the next day. My sister I need to stop everything I was doing, because I had a huge mass in my spine, and I might not able to walk anymore. I told her on the phone I need to finish my work that day and I gave my boss a call telling him that day will be my last day working for him and he will need to find a replacement.

The Hospital

Because I did not have insurance, I need to convince the Baylor Plano to admit me. My family is in distraught, my fellowship came to pray with me. I cannot stop smiling that night because I know there are a lot of people that care for me. I had scans till 6 am and they schedule an emergency surgery at 10 am. Feeling drugged my family was in a sad mood. They didnt know what to do, I remembered Maggie brushed my teeth for me. In those two weeks they told me I will need to go treatment radiation, I may not walk anymore. Doctor brought in the good and bad news. That the big mass in my spine wasnt cancer never the less it was too close to my spine they cannot completely remove the tumor. Giant Cell Tumor ( mostly in the bones in the arms or legs.) Growing in the spine is rare and it ate my spine till it almost crush my spinal cord which explains my weak legs and my normal function. The bad news was that I will need to radiate the remaining tumor and the treatment doesnt come cheap. It will be around $30k or i can try applying to MD Anderson but the aid was just only for American citizen. How can my family pay for it when i already racked up this emergency surgery bill ($16k) on top of my hospital stay ($40k) not to mention the followup surgery that I will need later.


THe Walk

2 weeks after the surgery after I was been told I might not able to walk again. The doctors put me on a brace. I was able to walk a little. Never realized that being able to wake up every morning, able to walk and eat is a blessing itself. Learning to walk is not easy, remembering walking at 2 am for 40 mins ( it was summer walking at mid nite)

The walk with God wasnt easy either. Why does God wants to put me in this condition. It took many reflection. God made me so that I can experience Him. However I choose to have faith in God. It wasnt easy, many nights I cried because I felt so useless to even everyday task.


The Shower

Because of my ability to move my mom have to take care of me. Showers are done with her although it was weird at first but it felt natural in the end because mom had taken care of me all my life. Although one night it was special, I felt my mother was no longer young, and I felt bad because it was suppose to be my turn to take care of my mother. I started to tear, i told her it was my responsibility. She cried told me as long as I live, it is ok for her to serve me. and That i must live longer than her


God Miracle and blessings

I do not have insurance.

A week before I found out my sickness. My sister met a new couple at her church, the husband was an oncologist (cancer docto. )  Dr Philip Koovor from Baylor was immediately contacted after found of my condition. My first consult was a month after my surgery. We anticipated a discount for the treatment that I will receive at the end of the consult he ended it with a prayer. Before we conclude we ask how much do we need to pay for the treatment at his facility? He said he will cover the treatment completely. Tears ran down our cheeks of this doctor kindness and radiate God's love.

The initial surgery bill was later cut down from $16k to $4k. Dr. Dickerman continue to see me and his billing department decided to cancel the remaining bill. The hospital bill $37k was completely paid off by the Christian foundation.

And I found an insurance willing to cover my second surgery $140 k was completely covered. This insurance was able to cover my pre existing condition. And completely unheard off.

The healing

Learning back to walk isnt easy, sometimes I wonder if I will be normal although sometimes I miss the old me. I get disappointed for not able to do the things that I used to.
But I love the new me more. However with this awakening I wouldnt be this close to God. I continued to play sports and now im almost normal but I will continue to train my "new " body


Walking with God

My faith been tested and I felt God's love and when I cant walk anymore I felt carried by God. This life I will dedicate it to the God who created me and died for me. Serving in CCF, will pick up EE to equip myself to spread the gospel. And to tell the world how great my God is.

 after 6 months post 1st surgery

first surgery still confused what happenned

first shower after first surgery

my back

Sometimes it's the one u care most hurts u the most

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?