it was a long time ..

its been so long since i last post. So many things happen in between this post and the last. 2009 is coming to an end, and i felt i wasted another year.
I dont feel like blogging, Every time i blog it must because Im down I dont know how to express myself but here.
Until then ill try to think about posting something positive instead.

Lionel

New semester

Lets make it a good semester :)
Cheer for myself

Its been some time...

Its been some time since I last blog..
Every time I felt I want to blog, it would bring back the same memories> Even I felt bored of myself.

“I didn’t come here to tell you that I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to,”

- Sarah Huttinger, RUMOR HAS IT

Lionel ...

You FUCKING WAKE UP >

I hate myself.

I thought I am finally better. I finally say im almost got over you.
Suddenly during the night I find myself waken, my heart beats so fast it woke me up. I know ive dreamt about you but I cant remember what it was.


sigh ..
i really an ass losing such a person
i cared too much of my pride
never tell her how i feel
never tell her how i trully feel about her
now she is gone, i can never tell her the truth anymore

So tell your love one, how much you love her. Cos you never know you might not have the chance to tell he or she. I know she didnt know how I feel. And I regretted it.

Lionel

If I Became A Memory

Tank - 如果我變成回憶 [Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi] [If I Became A Memory]
Album: 第三回合/The 3rd Round
Songwriter: Tank
Lyricist: 陳信廷 Chen XinTing

累了 照慣例努力清醒著 也照慣例想妳了
Lei le Zhao guan li nu li qing xing zhe Ye zhao guan li xiang ni le
When I'm tired I keep trying hard to stay awake as usual I keep thinking of you as usual too
好怕一放心睡了 心跳在夢中不聽話的 就停止了
Hao pa yi fang xin shui le Xin tiao zai meng zhong bu ting hua de Jiu ting zhi le
I'm really scared that when my mind is at rest and I'm asleep In my dreams my heartbeat won't listen to me And just stop

聽著 呼吸像浪潮拍動著 越美麗越讓我忐忑
Ting zhe Hu xi xiang lang chao pai dong zhe Yue mei li yue rang wo tan te
Listen; The sound of breathing like waves splashing The more beautiful it gets, the more I feel uneasy
我還能珍惜什麼 如果我連自己的脈搏 都難掌握
Wo hai neng zhen xi shen me Ru guo wo lian zi ji de mai bo Dou nan zhang wo
What can I still cherish If I can barely control my own pulse?

如果我變成回憶 退出了這場生命
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
留下妳錯愕哭泣 我冰冷身體 擁抱不了妳
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Leaving you startled and weeping My ice-cold body No longer able to embrace you
想到我讓深愛的妳 人海孤獨旅行
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
我會恨自己 如此狠心
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
I will hate myself For being so heartless

如果我變成回憶 終於沒那麼幸運
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
沒機會白著頭髮 蹣跚牽著妳 看晚霞落盡
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
No chance Of us tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
漫長時光 總有一天 妳會傷心痊癒
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
若有人可以 讓他陪妳 我不怪妳
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
If someone can [heal your wound] Let him stay accompany you I won't blame you

快樂 什麼時候會結束呢 哪一刻是最後一刻
Kuai le Shen me shi hou hui jie su ne Na yi ke shi zui hou yi ke
Happiness When will it end? When is the very end?
想把妳緊緊抱著 可知妳是我生命中的 最捨不得
Xiang ba ni jing jing bao zhe Ke zhi ni shi wo sheng ming zhong de Zui she bu de
I really want to embrace you tightly Know that you're the one in my life I can't bear to leave the most

如果我變成回憶 退出了這場生命
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
留下妳錯愕哭泣 我冰冷身體 擁抱不了妳
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Leaving you startled and weeping, my ice-cold body no longer able to embrace you
想到我讓深愛的妳 人海孤獨旅行
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
我會恨自己 如此狠心
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
I will hate myself For being so heartless

如果我變成回憶 終於沒那麼幸運
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
沒機會白著頭髮 蹣跚牽著妳 看晚霞落盡
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
No chance to Tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
漫長時光 總有一天 妳會傷心痊癒
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
若有人可以 讓他陪妳 我不怪妳
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
If someone can [heal your wound], let him stay accompany you, I won't blame you

如果我變成回憶 最怕我太不爭氣
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zui pa wo tai be zheng qi
If I became a memory - I'm most afraid that I'll let myself down
頑固地賴在空氣 霸佔妳心裡 每一吋縫隙
Wan gu de lai zai kong qi Ba zhan ni xin li Mei yi cun feng xi
Stubbornly lingering in the air Dominating your heart Every part of it
連累依然愛我的妳 痛苦承受失去
Lian lei yi ran ai wo de ni Tong ku cheng shou shi qu
Making the you that still loves me, suffer painfully for this loss
這樣不公平 請妳盡力 把我忘記
Zhe yang bu gong ping Qing ni jin li Ba wo wang ji
This isn't fair Please try your best To forget me

I miss you..

Things kept me reminding of you... I miss you so much Jenn

Something special happened yesterday. After talking to a friend, I did shed tears as I really think I lost you forever. I told him everything, he asked me to pray. Something I didnt do for myself for a very long time. I prayed once in a while, but I did pray for her Happiness lately but I didnt think I deserve for myself. I didnt go church for a very long time so I didnt pray anything for myself. After listening to his advise. : " If the pain is so unbareable, pray to Him ask him to take away the pain" after listening to that I cried. Quietly I prayed for the Jennifer, Kp and myself.

Later that day, I went to a Chinese-American restaurent where they usually give out fortune cookie.
Mine wrote "God looks after you especially"
I was so amazed and comfort that even God knows so much, He cared so much, He knows Im in pain.
I felt so much comfort when I think of her I dont feel pain. Yes in truth, I feel a little lost and missing her now, but I have God's love.

Just no matter wat is outcome. I now know He already planned it for me.
Perhaps I will fall again, but there is something to learn and reflect on.
So Im not in pain anymore
Ya once in a while I will miss you.
But in my mind there is only happy moments we shared. Thats wat important


Thank you G and Lord

Lionel

when you know it.. its already too late.

the world seems normal before she came into my life.
She came into my life, my life seems so colorful sometimes its yellow and sometimes its dark.
You never know wat color can be next. But she brought colors into my life.
Always thought I could do fine without her.
Now she left, she took everything with her ... my life became colorless and dull.

I miss you

I ....

Got my itouch yesterday, I was uploading songs and pictures to the new gadget...
I remember the songs I sing to you, songs I sing when I am driving
I remember the songs You sang to me when I request to hear your sweet melody
I remember I requested to hear you play piano. Music was part of our love
I remember as if u just sing it to me. Thanks for your effort
I only can blame myself again...


I have love you ..... too late...

In saddest songs and movies

My heart is broken. Trust me, thats not just expression, I felt it, every single bit breaking from whole. I still love her. Its true, that first love, its true love, dont you ever let it go. Fight for it, even if it seems pointless. Ill never give up. I love you, and always will. Until dying days come. And even in death, forever urs.

I so need her. God help me.
..will love her forever and not a day less..

How is it possible that my heart beats for her, and hers beats against me?
How is it possible that I still remember and she doesnt even care?
Memory on her is slowly faddeing tho, but remains long enough to hurt. I wish it all could go away

I made a memory

I made something I want to cry.

Its so hard to forget, when there is so much empty space when you are gone

Lost ...

Have you ever feel that you lose your taste,
everything seems so tasteless.
Have you ever feel time goes so slowly,
every minutes seems to be hours
Have you ever love some one,
so bad it will makes you cry.

I have

I think I can manage it after see em today. Im proud of myself.
Im already 23, have to tell myself. I have to be a man


Lionel

So sad.

I am so sad but yet I must be happy. Its so hard to do .

I had to do something. Something I really dont want to do. but has to be done ... sigh i really dont want to.

Lionel

Lionel be strong please

背叛 | Bei Pan | Betrayal

背叛 | Bei Pan | Betrayal

曲：曹格
Qu : Cao Ge
Music: Gary Cao

詞：阿丹/鄔裕康
Ci: A Dan/Wu Yu Kang
Lyrics: A Dan/Yu Kang Wu

Translations: Ling - www.jay-chou.net

雨　不停落下來
Yu　bu ting luo xia lai
Rain　falls continuously

花　怎麼都不開
Hua　ze me dou bu kai
Why　doesn't the flower bloom?

儘管我細心灌溉　你說不愛就不愛
Jin guan wo xi xing guan gai　ni shuo bu ai jiu bu ai
Despite my careful watering　you just say you won't love and don't love

我一個人　欣賞悲哀
Wo yi ge ren　xin shang bei ai
I　watch and appreciate the sorrow alone


愛　只剩下無奈
Ai　zhi sheng xia wu nai
Love　is left with only helplessness

我　一直不願再去猜
Wo　yi zhi bu yuan zai qu cai
I　kept refusing to guess

鋼琴上黑鍵之間　永遠都夾著空白
Gang qin shang hei jian zhi jian　yong yuan dou jia zhe kong bai
White emptiness will always fill the gap 　between the black keys of the piano

缺了一塊　就不精采
Que le yi kuai　jiu bu jing cai
Missing a piece　it can never be exciting


＊緊緊相依的心如何Say Goodbye
＊Jin jin xiang yi de xin ru he Say Goodbye
＊How can two hearts that rely on one another say goodbye

　你比我清楚還要我說明白
　Ni bi wo qing chu hai yao wo shuo ming bai
　You know better than I do, yet you still want me to say it

　愛太深會讓人瘋狂的勇敢
　Ai tai shen hui rang ren feng kuang de yong gan
　Loving so deeply can make people crazily courageous

　我用背叛自己　完成你的期盼
　Wo yong bei pan zi ji　wan chenni de qi dai
　I betray myself　to reach your expectations


　把手放開不問一句Say Goodbye
　Ba shou fang kai bu wen yi ju Say Goodbye
　Letting go, not asking anything, and say goodbye

　當作最後一次對你的溺愛
　Dang zuo zui hou yi ci dui ni de ni ai
　Let it be the last indulgence I give you

　冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
　Leng leng qing qing dan dan jin hou dou bu guan
　Coldly, drearily, mildly (I) will no longer watch (over you)

　只要你能愉快＊
　Zhi yao ni neng yu kuai＊
　As long as you can be happy＊


心　有一句感慨
Xin　you yi ju gan kai
(My) heart　has only one regret

我　還能夠跟誰對白
Wo　hai neng gou gen shui dui bai
Who　can I still ask to

在你關上門之前　替我再回頭看看
Zai ni guan shang men zhi qian　ti wo zai hui tou kan kan
Before you close the door　look back again for me

那些片段　還在不在
Na xie pian duan　hai zai bu zai
to see if (our) snippets　are still there





She did not betray me, just I betrayed myself

Lionel

Fireproof

I woke up this morning my sister suggest that I watch this movie. As usual dont have mood lately for any movie , but she said u can watch it over utube. Since I have nothing better to do I watch it.

From the start, I felt so close to the Main character. Caleb the way he treat his wife. Same thing disrespectful and yelling at her. Telling every one its over. I cannot take any of this anymore. Things happen, like in real life, real problems. The acting a little off but whats most important is the lessons it brings.

How I wished there were some like Caleb's dad to cool me off.

quotes i picked up and I felt i so wanting to tell her this

"I am so sorry. I have been so selfish. That I have love other things when I should have love you. God have given me a love for you that I never have before, asking for you to forgive me, praying that you somehow would forgive me. I do not want to live the rest of my life without you."

"Grow old together and love you with all my heart."

She gave me a ring when she last went back to HK. It was too big I cant wear it, with a swipe of my hands it will fly off. But I thought it was only because it was too big. After losing her, I found my ring in my bag. I put it on it fits and it didnt come out unless I yank it. I made a reflection, it was fit because I wasnt fit to wear the ring. I didnt care about her, I didnt love her, most of all I didnt appreciate her. That is why I wasnt fit to wear the ring. But now I can wear it, because I trully realised how important she was for me and it is too late. Thank you for everything

Everything happen and not happen for a reason.

There is no accident - Kung fu Panda

Lionel

Great decision.

I cant do anything. Ive already done my part.

To love is not to hold

Lionel

Really tired~

Cant sleep cant focus cant do anything right.

Now only I realised you are the world to me. a bit too late though. You have moved on.
I missed your sweet voice. I missed your little trantrum. I missed our moment together.
Im so sorry I treat you badly, Im so sorry I wasnt who I supposed to be. Im sorry for myself.
I hate myself now for letting you go. I hate myself for not treating you right.
You take away my happiness.
When I see you now I dont know wat to say. I just want to sit in a corner and cry.
I never thought u were that important to me until you left me.

T.T