Really dont feel like going to fellowship. But i know its not right, even John say its ok. But i turned on sermon.. saying I need to love brother and sister right away. Conviction
Friday, May 17, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
God's grace
Realized its been a long time since I last blog..
But I really want to blog this to remind myself of what God done in my life.
I became a believer on April 18th 2006. I didn't have much spiritual growth. One thing lead to another eventually I stop going church. Going to church became so strange feeling as if I do not belong there. I started to work at Escape (Plano) and I needed to work on Friday nights and Sunday mornings even more reasons to stop going to church and perfect reason to not go to church. But I promised if God really wants me to go back to church, He would find a way.
God planned everything.
Aldi had bought up the complex and forced Escape (Plano) to close. Mr. Kim asked me to help me at his baker department in Irving but I'm free on weekends. I remembered the promised I made with God that I would return to church if my weekend freed. However returning wont be easy, I know no one besides John and Maggie (the counselors). The thoughts of answering people's question where I have been all this while. But a promise is a promise.
Brothers and sisters at fellowship are so young...
The pain begins
Backaches its always been off and on especially from intense basketball game. But one night after Sports Night with CCF, as I get off the car to my friends farewell outing. I felt (funny bone shock) waist down to the end of my toes. I begin to take Advil to subdue the pain I feel from my back. I can finish a 300 tablets in a month.
Slowly losing my leg strength, walking with a walking stick. Losing my ability to control my bladder, peeing in my own pants. Falling on the street where a bunch of people looking at me. I am slowly losing my pride.. Eventually a friend doctor (David Lo) to run some test on me and ordered MRI scans. He told me this doesn't look good I need to check this out as soon as possible. I remembered feeling really worried and called up Maggie to pray for me. I had enough courage to go to work that day.
The results.
The result came the next day. My sister I need to stop everything I was doing, because I had a huge mass in my spine, and I might not able to walk anymore. I told her on the phone I need to finish my work that day and I gave my boss a call telling him that day will be my last day working for him and he will need to find a replacement.
The Hospital
Because I did not have insurance, I need to convince the Baylor Plano to admit me. My family is in distraught, my fellowship came to pray with me. I cannot stop smiling that night because I know there are a lot of people that care for me. I had scans till 6 am and they schedule an emergency surgery at 10 am. Feeling drugged my family was in a sad mood. They didnt know what to do, I remembered Maggie brushed my teeth for me. In those two weeks they told me I will need to go treatment radiation, I may not walk anymore. Doctor brought in the good and bad news. That the big mass in my spine wasnt cancer never the less it was too close to my spine they cannot completely remove the tumor. Giant Cell Tumor ( mostly in the bones in the arms or legs.) Growing in the spine is rare and it ate my spine till it almost crush my spinal cord which explains my weak legs and my normal function. The bad news was that I will need to radiate the remaining tumor and the treatment doesnt come cheap. It will be around $30k or i can try applying to MD Anderson but the aid was just only for American citizen. How can my family pay for it when i already racked up this emergency surgery bill ($16k) on top of my hospital stay ($40k) not to mention the followup surgery that I will need later.
THe Walk
2 weeks after the surgery after I was been told I might not able to walk again. The doctors put me on a brace. I was able to walk a little. Never realized that being able to wake up every morning, able to walk and eat is a blessing itself. Learning to walk is not easy, remembering walking at 2 am for 40 mins ( it was summer walking at mid nite)
The walk with God wasnt easy either. Why does God wants to put me in this condition. It took many reflection. God made me so that I can experience Him. However I choose to have faith in God. It wasnt easy, many nights I cried because I felt so useless to even everyday task.
The Shower
Because of my ability to move my mom have to take care of me. Showers are done with her although it was weird at first but it felt natural in the end because mom had taken care of me all my life. Although one night it was special, I felt my mother was no longer young, and I felt bad because it was suppose to be my turn to take care of my mother. I started to tear, i told her it was my responsibility. She cried told me as long as I live, it is ok for her to serve me. and That i must live longer than her
God Miracle and blessings
I do not have insurance.
A week before I found out my sickness. My sister met a new couple at her church, the husband was an oncologist (cancer docto. ) Dr Philip Koovor from Baylor was immediately contacted after found of my condition. My first consult was a month after my surgery. We anticipated a discount for the treatment that I will receive at the end of the consult he ended it with a prayer. Before we conclude we ask how much do we need to pay for the treatment at his facility? He said he will cover the treatment completely. Tears ran down our cheeks of this doctor kindness and radiate God's love.
The initial surgery bill was later cut down from $16k to $4k. Dr. Dickerman continue to see me and his billing department decided to cancel the remaining bill. The hospital bill $37k was completely paid off by the Christian foundation.
And I found an insurance willing to cover my second surgery $140 k was completely covered. This insurance was able to cover my pre existing condition. And completely unheard off.
The healing
Learning back to walk isnt easy, sometimes I wonder if I will be normal although sometimes I miss the old me. I get disappointed for not able to do the things that I used to.
But I love the new me more. However with this awakening I wouldnt be this close to God. I continued to play sports and now im almost normal but I will continue to train my "new " body
Walking with God
My faith been tested and I felt God's love and when I cant walk anymore I felt carried by God. This life I will dedicate it to the God who created me and died for me. Serving in CCF, will pick up EE to equip myself to spread the gospel. And to tell the world how great my God is.
after 6 months post 1st surgery
But I really want to blog this to remind myself of what God done in my life.
I became a believer on April 18th 2006. I didn't have much spiritual growth. One thing lead to another eventually I stop going church. Going to church became so strange feeling as if I do not belong there. I started to work at Escape (Plano) and I needed to work on Friday nights and Sunday mornings even more reasons to stop going to church and perfect reason to not go to church. But I promised if God really wants me to go back to church, He would find a way.
God planned everything.
Aldi had bought up the complex and forced Escape (Plano) to close. Mr. Kim asked me to help me at his baker department in Irving but I'm free on weekends. I remembered the promised I made with God that I would return to church if my weekend freed. However returning wont be easy, I know no one besides John and Maggie (the counselors). The thoughts of answering people's question where I have been all this while. But a promise is a promise.
Brothers and sisters at fellowship are so young...
The pain begins
Backaches its always been off and on especially from intense basketball game. But one night after Sports Night with CCF, as I get off the car to my friends farewell outing. I felt (funny bone shock) waist down to the end of my toes. I begin to take Advil to subdue the pain I feel from my back. I can finish a 300 tablets in a month.
Slowly losing my leg strength, walking with a walking stick. Losing my ability to control my bladder, peeing in my own pants. Falling on the street where a bunch of people looking at me. I am slowly losing my pride.. Eventually a friend doctor (David Lo) to run some test on me and ordered MRI scans. He told me this doesn't look good I need to check this out as soon as possible. I remembered feeling really worried and called up Maggie to pray for me. I had enough courage to go to work that day.
The results.
The result came the next day. My sister I need to stop everything I was doing, because I had a huge mass in my spine, and I might not able to walk anymore. I told her on the phone I need to finish my work that day and I gave my boss a call telling him that day will be my last day working for him and he will need to find a replacement.
The Hospital
Because I did not have insurance, I need to convince the Baylor Plano to admit me. My family is in distraught, my fellowship came to pray with me. I cannot stop smiling that night because I know there are a lot of people that care for me. I had scans till 6 am and they schedule an emergency surgery at 10 am. Feeling drugged my family was in a sad mood. They didnt know what to do, I remembered Maggie brushed my teeth for me. In those two weeks they told me I will need to go treatment radiation, I may not walk anymore. Doctor brought in the good and bad news. That the big mass in my spine wasnt cancer never the less it was too close to my spine they cannot completely remove the tumor. Giant Cell Tumor ( mostly in the bones in the arms or legs.) Growing in the spine is rare and it ate my spine till it almost crush my spinal cord which explains my weak legs and my normal function. The bad news was that I will need to radiate the remaining tumor and the treatment doesnt come cheap. It will be around $30k or i can try applying to MD Anderson but the aid was just only for American citizen. How can my family pay for it when i already racked up this emergency surgery bill ($16k) on top of my hospital stay ($40k) not to mention the followup surgery that I will need later.
THe Walk
2 weeks after the surgery after I was been told I might not able to walk again. The doctors put me on a brace. I was able to walk a little. Never realized that being able to wake up every morning, able to walk and eat is a blessing itself. Learning to walk is not easy, remembering walking at 2 am for 40 mins ( it was summer walking at mid nite)
The walk with God wasnt easy either. Why does God wants to put me in this condition. It took many reflection. God made me so that I can experience Him. However I choose to have faith in God. It wasnt easy, many nights I cried because I felt so useless to even everyday task.
The Shower
Because of my ability to move my mom have to take care of me. Showers are done with her although it was weird at first but it felt natural in the end because mom had taken care of me all my life. Although one night it was special, I felt my mother was no longer young, and I felt bad because it was suppose to be my turn to take care of my mother. I started to tear, i told her it was my responsibility. She cried told me as long as I live, it is ok for her to serve me. and That i must live longer than her
God Miracle and blessings
I do not have insurance.
A week before I found out my sickness. My sister met a new couple at her church, the husband was an oncologist (cancer docto. ) Dr Philip Koovor from Baylor was immediately contacted after found of my condition. My first consult was a month after my surgery. We anticipated a discount for the treatment that I will receive at the end of the consult he ended it with a prayer. Before we conclude we ask how much do we need to pay for the treatment at his facility? He said he will cover the treatment completely. Tears ran down our cheeks of this doctor kindness and radiate God's love.
The initial surgery bill was later cut down from $16k to $4k. Dr. Dickerman continue to see me and his billing department decided to cancel the remaining bill. The hospital bill $37k was completely paid off by the Christian foundation.
And I found an insurance willing to cover my second surgery $140 k was completely covered. This insurance was able to cover my pre existing condition. And completely unheard off.
The healing
Learning back to walk isnt easy, sometimes I wonder if I will be normal although sometimes I miss the old me. I get disappointed for not able to do the things that I used to.
But I love the new me more. However with this awakening I wouldnt be this close to God. I continued to play sports and now im almost normal but I will continue to train my "new " body
Walking with God
My faith been tested and I felt God's love and when I cant walk anymore I felt carried by God. This life I will dedicate it to the God who created me and died for me. Serving in CCF, will pick up EE to equip myself to spread the gospel. And to tell the world how great my God is.
first surgery still confused what happenned
first shower after first surgery
my back
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