Finding Myself

Sometimes it's the one u care most hurts u the most

2011-05-11T07:36:00.001-07:00

The Dash

2011-02-09T10:17:00.001-08:00

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Dear fucker please die and burn in hell

2010-11-07T00:10:00.001-07:00

Dear fucker please die

2010-11-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

Happy 24 Lionel...

2010-06-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

This time of the year again how I used to ache for it to come faster, but last week I always thought it would be just another day....

12:08 am My last nine hours of being 23 i had to work. it was a long day, after work... felt emptiness so i decided to take a walk at wal-mart. Carl called to know where am I, and later MOM called me to go home for she had mangoes for me at home.

1 am: Driving back from Wal-Mart, think so this is it my birthday and it felt just another night. Emptiness overwhelmed my thoughts and perhaps sleeping early would be a good idea. Turning into the driveway i saw many pairs of legs behind the SUV. High beamed those who hid so terribly,and I got down my car said " You guys sucked" but deep inside I was trully touched that my friends took twouhe effort to give me the surprise. Little do I know they planned to kidnap me, covered in a Giant Bag, got carried ( trully scared they would throw me into the water).

1+ am: Arrived at Joe's was surprised there were so many people. after much eating and drinking and more drinking.

Thank you guys for the special birthday surprise I will forever remember this moment.

I had a fun day

2010-04-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

errr jade dont push my camera away .. i am trying to get your pretty face...
I R LOST T.T

thanks guys I had so much fun today . XD

pain again

2010-02-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

chest pains are frequent now 2 attacks in this month ... maybe time to go ??

Difficulties

2010-02-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. - unknown

Problems..

2010-02-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

If your everyday problems are weighing you down, there are millions of people on Earth who would gladly trade places with you right now. Share your problems with your true friend. When your true friend is some one reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

no matter??

2010-01-27T21:30:00.001-08:00

… what circumstances life throws in your direction, you have to believe that you can handle it. It’s really about our perception. There’s no such thing as a bad circumstance. All those things we perceive as bad are actually real growing experience in life. You have to see that everything that happens to you has come into your life for a reason, an we are challenged in life because that’s what life is all about. Life’s about how we deal with those challenges.

Live the moment !!!

2010-01-27T00:05:00.000-08:00

As we journey through life, we will learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us, probably will…We will have our hearts broken and we will break others’ hearts. There are times when we will fight with our very best friends, or maybe we end up falling in love with them…Time travels fast, and perhaps we will find ourselves in tears! So with life’s craziness, take as many pictures as we can, laugh too much, act crazy, forgive freely, and love as if we have never been hurt before…We must always remember that life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, or sometimes not even second chances! I guess we’ll have to live our lives to the fullest! Don’t forget to tell someone how much they mean to you..Don’t be afraid to tell someone off, speak out loudly and freely in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep until the sun comes up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until every part of your face muscles hurt..Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love…But most of all, we must LIVE IN THE MOMENT because every second that we spend being angry, sad, and despair may have been every second of happiness we can NEVER GET BACK!

A sad day ...

2010-01-24T18:54:00.001-08:00

Our last picture together with Gary
I had to upload this ...
Babysitters season I
On mei's bday Gary had a nice smile
This picture is priceless, thank you Gary
Picture taken before we leave to pick Lam lam up from CS

FRIEND -

1.	a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

Gary was more than a friend to me

Knowing that today its a must to be in church because my important friend said to .. deep down inside probably would my last time worship Lord with Gary. I thought I would at least have a few days left.. when Andy Ho ( Pastor Ho ) announced that Gary would leave tomorrow morning.... I was surprised...( Hate you for that GARY)

I knew Gary few years back, he joined us playing volleyball... later we grew closer when we started to form a volleyball team... we practiced hard, basically he taught everything I knew about volleyball. He later taught me how to play basketball. Always respected him able to disect plays and his beliefs. We went to a trip together to Corpus Christie on 2008 it was one of my unforgettable trips we had all sorts of fun and jokes. I realized that he was so good in math he could solve math in few seconds (crazy, told him he should have majored in statistics and would have made a lot of money then) From then on we grew really close, from the court to everything. He taught me be a little less crazy (calm down like he always said), be good, honest, most of all trust in God as everything is from Him originally. I knew him better, he was a well respectable man from every walks of life.

Hate that he is leaving us, me especially. I saw people didnt give much reaction. I dont think some of his friends know he is leaving too. I was quiet unhappy, how could they act as if nothing happen when Gary goes back to HK. This is GARY YING we talk about, one of the respectable man in dallas. ( I know he isnt celebrity but he is nice and kind to everyone.) Probably I was just over reacting. Probably they would see him when they go back to Hong Kong. But what about me ??? I kept thinking I wont get the chance to see him again... Maybe that is why I am down now.

I have to respect that he already made his decision to go back to HK. Hope he would do well in HK, as he said God has plans for him already.

"God prepare us to meet together, so that we could learn something from each other. After we have done our deeds we need to go our separate ways. Do not be sad that we going to separate ways , So be happy that we met each other, cherish the good times we had together "- Carol Mo

I WILL MISS YOU MUCH, GARY.

some one promised to make me some egg tarts and noodles

2010-01-06T13:08:00.000-08:00

~*Jennifer*~ says:
XDDDD
i cook u a big meal la

~*Jennifer*~ says:
egg tart and the noodles

LION-el #14- 溫友良 says:
u promised
~*Jennifer*~ says:
promised la
but don't know when we will have a kitchen to do it

it was a long time ..

2009-12-28T01:14:00.000-08:00

its been so long since i last post. So many things happen in between this post and the last. 2009 is coming to an end, and i felt i wasted another year.
I dont feel like blogging, Every time i blog it must because Im down I dont know how to express myself but here.
Until then ill try to think about posting something positive instead.

Lionel

New semester

2009-08-25T10:22:00.001-07:00

Lets make it a good semester :)
Cheer for myself

Its been some time...

2009-08-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

Its been some time since I last blog..
Every time I felt I want to blog, it would bring back the same memories> Even I felt bored of myself.

“I didn’t come here to tell you that I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to,”

- Sarah Huttinger, RUMOR HAS IT

Lionel ...

2009-07-26T13:56:00.001-07:00

You FUCKING WAKE UP >

I hate myself.

2009-07-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

I thought I am finally better. I finally say im almost got over you.
Suddenly during the night I find myself waken, my heart beats so fast it woke me up. I know ive dreamt about you but I cant remember what it was.

sigh ..
i really an ass losing such a person
i cared too much of my pride
never tell her how i feel
never tell her how i trully feel about her
now she is gone, i can never tell her the truth anymore

So tell your love one, how much you love her. Cos you never know you might not have the chance to tell he or she. I know she didnt know how I feel. And I regretted it.

Lionel

If I Became A Memory

2009-07-06T11:58:00.001-07:00

Tank - 如果我變成回憶 [Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi] [If I Became A Memory]
Album: 第三回合/The 3rd Round
Songwriter: Tank
Lyricist: 陳信廷 Chen XinTing

累了照慣例努力清醒著也照慣例想妳了
Lei le Zhao guan li nu li qing xing zhe Ye zhao guan li xiang ni le
When I'm tired I keep trying hard to stay awake as usual I keep thinking of you as usual too
好怕一放心睡了心跳在夢中不聽話的就停止了
Hao pa yi fang xin shui le Xin tiao zai meng zhong bu ting hua de Jiu ting zhi le
I'm really scared that when my mind is at rest and I'm asleep In my dreams my heartbeat won't listen to me And just stop

聽著呼吸像浪潮拍動著越美麗越讓我忐忑
Ting zhe Hu xi xiang lang chao pai dong zhe Yue mei li yue rang wo tan te
Listen; The sound of breathing like waves splashing The more beautiful it gets, the more I feel uneasy
我還能珍惜什麼如果我連自己的脈搏都難掌握
Wo hai neng zhen xi shen me Ru guo wo lian zi ji de mai bo Dou nan zhang wo
What can I still cherish If I can barely control my own pulse?

如果我變成回憶退出了這場生命
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
留下妳錯愕哭泣我冰冷身體擁抱不了妳
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Leaving you startled and weeping My ice-cold body No longer able to embrace you
想到我讓深愛的妳人海孤獨旅行
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
我會恨自己如此狠心
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
I will hate myself For being so heartless

如果我變成回憶終於沒那麼幸運
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
沒機會白著頭髮蹣跚牽著妳看晚霞落盡
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
No chance Of us tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
漫長時光總有一天妳會傷心痊癒
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
若有人可以讓他陪妳我不怪妳
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
If someone can [heal your wound] Let him stay accompany you I won't blame you

快樂什麼時候會結束呢哪一刻是最後一刻
Kuai le Shen me shi hou hui jie su ne Na yi ke shi zui hou yi ke
Happiness When will it end? When is the very end?
想把妳緊緊抱著可知妳是我生命中的最捨不得
Xiang ba ni jing jing bao zhe Ke zhi ni shi wo sheng ming zhong de Zui she bu de
I really want to embrace you tightly Know that you're the one in my life I can't bear to leave the most

如果我變成回憶退出了這場生命
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
留下妳錯愕哭泣我冰冷身體擁抱不了妳
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Leaving you startled and weeping, my ice-cold body no longer able to embrace you
想到我讓深愛的妳人海孤獨旅行
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
我會恨自己如此狠心
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
I will hate myself For being so heartless

如果我變成回憶終於沒那麼幸運
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
沒機會白著頭髮蹣跚牽著妳看晚霞落盡
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
No chance to Tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
漫長時光總有一天妳會傷心痊癒
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
若有人可以讓他陪妳我不怪妳
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
If someone can [heal your wound], let him stay accompany you, I won't blame you

如果我變成回憶最怕我太不爭氣
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zui pa wo tai be zheng qi
If I became a memory - I'm most afraid that I'll let myself down
頑固地賴在空氣霸佔妳心裡每一吋縫隙
Wan gu de lai zai kong qi Ba zhan ni xin li Mei yi cun feng xi
Stubbornly lingering in the air Dominating your heart Every part of it
連累依然愛我的妳痛苦承受失去
Lian lei yi ran ai wo de ni Tong ku cheng shou shi qu
Making the you that still loves me, suffer painfully for this loss
這樣不公平請妳盡力把我忘記
Zhe yang bu gong ping Qing ni jin li Ba wo wang ji
This isn't fair Please try your best To forget me

I miss you..

2009-06-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

Things kept me reminding of you... I miss you so much Jenn

Something special happened yesterday. After talking to a friend, I did shed tears as I really think I lost you forever. I told him everything, he asked me to pray. Something I didnt do for myself for a very long time. I prayed once in a while, but I did pray for her Happiness lately but I didnt think I deserve for myself. I didnt go church for a very long time so I didnt pray anything for myself. After listening to his advise. : " If the pain is so unbareable, pray to Him ask him to take away the pain" after listening to that I cried. Quietly I prayed for the Jennifer, Kp and myself.

Later that day, I went to a Chinese-American restaurent where they usually give out fortune cookie.
Mine wrote "God looks after you especially"
I was so amazed and comfort that even God knows so much, He cared so much, He knows Im in pain.
I felt so much comfort when I think of her I dont feel pain. Yes in truth, I feel a little lost and missing her now, but I have God's love.

Just no matter wat is outcome. I now know He already planned it for me.
Perhaps I will fall again, but there is something to learn and reflect on.
So Im not in pain anymore
Ya once in a while I will miss you.
But in my mind there is only happy moments we shared. Thats wat important

Thank you G and Lord

Lionel

when you know it.. its already too late.

2009-06-22T12:32:00.001-07:00

the world seems normal before she came into my life.
She came into my life, my life seems so colorful sometimes its yellow and sometimes its dark.
You never know wat color can be next. But she brought colors into my life.
Always thought I could do fine without her.
Now she left, she took everything with her ... my life became colorless and dull.

I miss you

I ....

2009-06-20T02:27:00.000-07:00

Got my itouch yesterday, I was uploading songs and pictures to the new gadget...
I remember the songs I sing to you, songs I sing when I am driving
I remember the songs You sang to me when I request to hear your sweet melody
I remember I requested to hear you play piano. Music was part of our love
I remember as if u just sing it to me. Thanks for your effort
I only can blame myself again...

I have love you ..... too late...

In saddest songs and movies

2009-06-16T14:06:00.001-07:00

My heart is broken. Trust me, thats not just expression, I felt it, every single bit breaking from whole. I still love her. Its true, that first love, its true love, dont you ever let it go. Fight for it, even if it seems pointless. Ill never give up. I love you, and always will. Until dying days come. And even in death, forever urs.

I so need her. God help me.
..will love her forever and not a day less..

How is it possible that my heart beats for her, and hers beats against me?
How is it possible that I still remember and she doesnt even care?
Memory on her is slowly faddeing tho, but remains long enough to hurt. I wish it all could go away

I made a memory

2009-06-16T10:41:00.001-07:00

I made something I want to cry.

Its so hard to forget, when there is so much empty space when you are gone

Lost ...

2009-06-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever feel that you lose your taste,
everything seems so tasteless.
Have you ever feel time goes so slowly,
every minutes seems to be hours
Have you ever love some one,
so bad it will makes you cry.

I have

I think I can manage it after see em today. Im proud of myself.
Im already 23, have to tell myself. I have to be a man

Lionel

So sad.

2009-06-13T01:26:00.000-07:00

I am so sad but yet I must be happy. Its so hard to do .

I had to do something. Something I really dont want to do. but has to be done ... sigh i really dont want to.

Lionel

Lionel be strong please

背叛 | Bei Pan | Betrayal

2009-06-10T23:19:00.000-07:00

背叛 | Bei Pan | Betrayal

曲：曹格
Qu : Cao Ge
Music: Gary Cao

詞：阿丹/鄔裕康
Ci: A Dan/Wu Yu Kang
Lyrics: A Dan/Yu Kang Wu

Translations: Ling - www.jay-chou.net

雨　不停落下來
Yu　bu ting luo xia lai
Rain　falls continuously

花　怎麼都不開
Hua　ze me dou bu kai
Why　doesn't the flower bloom?

儘管我細心灌溉　你說不愛就不愛
Jin guan wo xi xing guan gai　ni shuo bu ai jiu bu ai
Despite my careful watering　you just say you won't love and don't love

我一個人　欣賞悲哀
Wo yi ge ren　xin shang bei ai
I　watch and appreciate the sorrow alone

愛　只剩下無奈
Ai　zhi sheng xia wu nai
Love　is left with only helplessness

我　一直不願再去猜
Wo　yi zhi bu yuan zai qu cai
I　kept refusing to guess

鋼琴上黑鍵之間　永遠都夾著空白
Gang qin shang hei jian zhi jian　yong yuan dou jia zhe kong bai
White emptiness will always fill the gap 　between the black keys of the piano

缺了一塊　就不精采
Que le yi kuai　jiu bu jing cai
Missing a piece　it can never be exciting

＊緊緊相依的心如何Say Goodbye
＊Jin jin xiang yi de xin ru he Say Goodbye
＊How can two hearts that rely on one another say goodbye

　你比我清楚還要我說明白
　Ni bi wo qing chu hai yao wo shuo ming bai
　You know better than I do, yet you still want me to say it

　愛太深會讓人瘋狂的勇敢
　Ai tai shen hui rang ren feng kuang de yong gan
　Loving so deeply can make people crazily courageous

　我用背叛自己　完成你的期盼
　Wo yong bei pan zi ji　wan chenni de qi dai
　I betray myself　to reach your expectations

　把手放開不問一句Say Goodbye
　Ba shou fang kai bu wen yi ju Say Goodbye
　Letting go, not asking anything, and say goodbye

　當作最後一次對你的溺愛
　Dang zuo zui hou yi ci dui ni de ni ai
　Let it be the last indulgence I give you

　冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
　Leng leng qing qing dan dan jin hou dou bu guan
　Coldly, drearily, mildly (I) will no longer watch (over you)

　只要你能愉快＊
　Zhi yao ni neng yu kuai＊
　As long as you can be happy＊

心　有一句感慨
Xin　you yi ju gan kai
(My) heart　has only one regret

我　還能夠跟誰對白
Wo　hai neng gou gen shui dui bai
Who　can I still ask to

在你關上門之前　替我再回頭看看
Zai ni guan shang men zhi qian　ti wo zai hui tou kan kan
Before you close the door　look back again for me

那些片段　還在不在
Na xie pian duan　hai zai bu zai
to see if (our) snippets　are still there

She did not betray me, just I betrayed myself

Lionel

Fireproof

2009-06-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning my sister suggest that I watch this movie. As usual dont have mood lately for any movie , but she said u can watch it over utube. Since I have nothing better to do I watch it.

From the start, I felt so close to the Main character. Caleb the way he treat his wife. Same thing disrespectful and yelling at her. Telling every one its over. I cannot take any of this anymore. Things happen, like in real life, real problems. The acting a little off but whats most important is the lessons it brings.

How I wished there were some like Caleb's dad to cool me off.

quotes i picked up and I felt i so wanting to tell her this

"I am so sorry. I have been so selfish. That I have love other things when I should have love you. God have given me a love for you that I never have before, asking for you to forgive me, praying that you somehow would forgive me. I do not want to live the rest of my life without you."

"Grow old together and love you with all my heart."

She gave me a ring when she last went back to HK. It was too big I cant wear it, with a swipe of my hands it will fly off. But I thought it was only because it was too big. After losing her, I found my ring in my bag. I put it on it fits and it didnt come out unless I yank it. I made a reflection, it was fit because I wasnt fit to wear the ring. I didnt care about her, I didnt love her, most of all I didnt appreciate her. That is why I wasnt fit to wear the ring. But now I can wear it, because I trully realised how important she was for me and it is too late. Thank you for everything

Everything happen and not happen for a reason.

There is no accident - Kung fu Panda

Lionel

Great decision.

2009-06-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

I cant do anything. Ive already done my part.

To love is not to hold

Lionel

Really tired~

2009-06-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Cant sleep cant focus cant do anything right.

Now only I realised you are the world to me. a bit too late though. You have moved on.
I missed your sweet voice. I missed your little trantrum. I missed our moment together.
Im so sorry I treat you badly, Im so sorry I wasnt who I supposed to be. Im sorry for myself.
I hate myself now for letting you go. I hate myself for not treating you right.
You take away my happiness.
When I see you now I dont know wat to say. I just want to sit in a corner and cry.
I never thought u were that important to me until you left me.

T.T

As time goes by...

2008-11-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

As time goes by.. looking back
As time goes by.. younger people come into the group.. i am already getting old
As time goes by.. i have not achieve anything yet
As time goes by.. realizing its just a disappointment

When a person sees himself is a disappointment .. i think that is the lowest he can get.

Sigh...

30 days

2008-10-09T12:32:00.001-07:00

i like this song...

側田 - 三十日 (Background Music)

曾逐晚倒數為見您準備
願您快點又與我一起
寂寥足足一個月由電話減少距離
而徧徧竟不知怎說起

是太想念您超過了預期
只想可擁著您然後吻您讓您驚喜
由這一分鐘我一生就只有您
明日縱使不堪阻不到我用心愛您
讓我終於都明瞭明白您比生死重要
連話語也沒法盛載得起
I’ll give my life to be near you in every way
For I have nothing left to be here on this Earth today
讓我終於不動搖這改變因您
原諒我卻試過傷害您

逐秒擴張惦記您滋味
合上眼睛像與您一起
為何分開一個月如在孤島給隔離
尋不到飛得走的客機

是太想念您超過了預期
張開手保護您遊歷世界讓您驚喜
由這一分鐘我一生就只有您
明日縱使不堪阻不到我用心愛您
讓我終於都明瞭明白您比生死重要
連話語也沒法盛載得起
I’ll spend my life here beside you in every way
For I have nothing left to be here on this Earth today
讓我終於不動搖這改變因您
如若您欠信我的力氣

我唱這首歌為您

Tree...

2008-09-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

In the spring, green leaves grew on trees. Beautifying our enviroment. As season pass from spring to summer. The summer heat made the plants struggle to survive. Now fall is here, the green leaves' work is done they begin to turn brown and drop but they did thier job. Do we still remember the green grass after it has done its duties.

I have done mine, as expectedly I fall too, but I didnt know I will fall in emotion too

Its time..

2008-09-11T16:06:00.001-07:00

To have but not to hold?

Everythings worth.

2008-09-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

How do we put a value on something doesn't have a price tag?
How do judge how important something is to us?
Should we be conservative?
Should we just settle for something we have?
Or risk losing something for something else we dream of?
Should we rather lose something but at least we try chasing our dream.
If we fall in life, be glad we are living a life.
Stand back up, we walk high from then on.
If we dont do wrong, we never learn

Amazing

2008-09-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

How we are mad and refuse to talk to anyone.
But God came in mysterious places to teach you things and leave u amuse how he works.
He works at odd time of the day when i was busy he gave me hints of what I should do regarding of fellowship. When I was mad of someone, he gave me reminder of what I should not do.

Dear Father in Heaven,
Thank you for hearing my prayers
In Jesus name I pray
Amen

Trips, humans ... Time flies

2008-08-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

There was so many things happenned after the last post.

Trip to Corpus Christi, was rainy but we are the sun shine the Corpus Christi needs,

Day -1, We drove from Gary's house to College Station. The FUN-V started it journey. The journey takes about 3.5 hours but it was fun in the car, it didnt feel that long. We ate at TGI the fun n laughter we had as if we had drink a little.

Day 1, We were awake by 1+ am, so as planned we move out at 4am to my surprise we manage to get out by sharp 4 am. The drive there were pretty scary (there were no lights), didnt know texas has this much uphill n downhill. Then again Joe manage well with the roads. The journey there were fairly smooth after the hills portion. ariving 7 am, we had what-a-burger for breakfast. We went back to the motel to relax a little while waiting for the slight rain to stop.

The motel was fairly decent but there were better motel with the same price. Took a little nap, havent been sleeping too good lately so it will be a quick charge. Next stop, the beach. The beach were pretty dissapointing as wat i had imagine in my mine, not much better than galveston then again been so long didnt go to the beach. Corpus Christi will do for now. There were Sun, Beach but no Beach girls. I guess they have to work o well. The beach were full with Jellyfish, then again we still swim a little. Those little jelly fish wont stop us from having fun. Throwing everyone into the sea. Sorry for being a little too rough. For lunch we had Thai Spice. Absolutely rubbish. Thai food?? The only thing good about the restaurent was the enviroment other than tht. DO NOT ENTER worst business ever conducted. Expensive everything to the water. Food were so bad it cannot be describe.

In the evening we went on to USS Lexington a WWII aircraft carrier. It was a nice after the museum trip I was dead tired. We had dinner at Pier 99, the food was ok. Margarita was weird, but it helped me sleep.

Day 2, started 4 am we woke up to catch the sunrise. We had to walk pass the USS lexington, suddenly a van rush by came down 4 military looking personal. Asking what we were doing. Didnt expect an old aircraft carrier still heavily protected. We didnt see the sunrise as it was cloudy day. Denny's for breakfast. We decided to visit Padre Island it was 20 mins away from where we from. The beach had much finer sands. But at the end we did not go down cos it was raining, the waves were too strong.

In the afternoon it finally stop raining and we went to have fun again on the beach. I had tits and bird bird on the beach. At the end of the day I was left wit a cut on my feet and it was really deep. But it healed now.

We went for dinner shopping, we decided to have dinner in Joe's Crab. And it was the best meal we have in Corpus Christi.

Day 3, Eating spree.
Dim Sum in the morning 11 am. Egg Tart-> milk tea-> Hong Kong food-> Malaysian food-> and plenty to go. could hardly eat reaching Malaysian food. To go will help me for a few days. So many Malaysian restaurent in Houston none in Dallas. UNFAIR.

We reach Dallas around 1:30am

Dallas:

Dont feel like wanting to log in to facebook.
Sorry I made the decision during the trip. I guess its time to move on.

Lion

Lifes hard

2008-08-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

A hard decision to make, but I made it.

Life is tough- Mr. Kim, Hun

You are brighter than Sun Shine

Life is like a wheel.

2008-07-23T01:07:00.001-07:00

Life is like a wheel.

Sometimes we are up on the wheel, sometimes we are at the bottom of the wheel.

when we are up on the wheel (having a good time) enjoy the moment. Be prepare as life might slowly dip down or take a nose dive. When we are at the bottom of the wheel, dont be despair. We can only go upwards from now on.

these are the few things i keep to myself. To remind myself that I can never be always great nor I can never be always nobody. We will just have to do our best.

A Special kind of Ride.

2008-07-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

Saturday 07/13/08. After eating dinner and talking to Joe at May Hua's parking lot. We decided to go home after 1 am + . I drove home reaching home around early 2 am. Got down the car, didnt feel like going into the house. Started walking and walking. Tried calling Jenn, but she was busy. Continue walking and walking. Pretty nice, the cool wind comes and hitting on the face. Walking for almost 30 mins, called lam. But it was difficult to talk to her because the hard blowing wind making it difficult to listen to me. We stop talking on the phone. and I continue to walk towards the lake. It was still far, nothing able to stop me from watching sunrise alone although it was just 3 am. Just barely walking past the gas station with super loud music. A SUV pulled at my back. I turn around, the police men

Police : Hey, Wats up?

Me: Uh... Hey, Nothing much

Police: Do you have an ID with you?

Police : Wat are you doing here?

Me: Uh... Taking a stroll

Police: (Checking on his watch)... Taking a stroll at 3 am?

Me: Yea

Police: Do you know a lot bad things happen at night? Burglars? Accidents?

Me: uh... yea

Police: I think you should head home

Me: uh.. yea I guess so.

(Police handing back my ID)

Me: Uh thank you (walking further away from my home)

Police:(Police drove next to me).. Do you need a ride home?

Me: Uh....... Yea

Police: (Got of the SUV) Do you have any dangerous materials with you?

Me: Uh.. No

Police: (Checking on my pockets)

Me: Uh this is the wallet, cell phone and keys.

Police: Ok you can get up the car now

Me: Uh ok ( Wow although its an SUV I felt it was so tight inside, probably its to force people not able to kick inside the car, A fat man would have a hard time moving.)

Police: 29 , taking a male adult home. Check on 12487 Angelo Dr.

He drove 50+ in 45 area, typing on his keyboard while driving making him surve right and left. Fast rolling stops in all the stops signs. Remembering I was caught once for rolling stops. This is what police does what a good example he sets.)

Police: Which is your house?

Me: the last house in the corner on the left.

(Police opens the door) Here's your ID

Me: Uh... thanks ... Good night

Police: You have a nice night

That was a ride, no need to do any wrong still able to ride a police car.

One special ride home

I MISS HOME!!!

2008-06-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

look at what I stumble upon.

http://www.myklang.com/

its a forum mostly about klang and I saw this. the picture of lo si fun.. My favourite noodle shop arrrr!!!!!

long but meaningful day...

2008-06-14T23:00:00.000-07:00

woke up this morning to serve "A" cheerful and friendly people. Nice to have them, trully they kept me mesmerized from the stuff they talk about.

Starting a grill fire takes a lot of experience and not an easy task to do. Yea!!! finally i know how to start a fire grill easily. :) Something to learn each time.

After a long day cooking stuff, saw some of the folks boating. It is something I have not done in a long long time. Old memories of Daddy brings me to some lake, while waiting for Mummy to finish her KL Mahikari. I wonder where was that place. A place I want to go back.

Didnt like to grill things, often dont fine statisfaction out of my own cooking. Then luckily Way was there to cover my bad cooking. Cooking, needs a lot of talent, patient effort to do. Something I dont really have.

We later had a little chat with the granpa and granma. They are willing to share things with us, experience something we havent gone through. Something valuable that money cant buy. Something granma said made others started to feel really emotional. The younger granma besides me started to burst into tears when Granma A mention about her experience feeding her mother, something really touched our hearts. How a mother used to feed us when we were small. Most of the time its not an easy task (Believe me I seen my nephew takes his meal, it takes a lot of patient and most of all a lot of love. Something must always remember when think about our mother. THank you Mummy. ) When presented a chance to feed her own mother ( I would think people will think its a hassle, very time consuming and often doesnt enjoy it.) When presented a chance do it, do it with full of love as she had showed us uncontional love before. Remember all the hard work she had done for us. Provided us with the best-EST things in the world she can afford or possible find. Trully thinking back what had my mother gone through loving her makes things so much easier, walking with her holding her arms on the street makes me proud. " SHE IS MY MUMMY!!! THE BEST-EST MUMMY ONE CAN HAVE !!!!"

Thank you Mummy
Dedicate this post for you!

sigh .. floater feelings

2008-06-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

i felt like a floater, things u said made me sad.

Sky filled with stars

2008-06-01T01:27:00.000-07:00

The sky reminds me of you :)

Tired of Running...

2008-05-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

This post been sitting in my draft forever. I know this post came out right afte the last one but it something I feel I want to finish.

I decided to jog after I had too much things in my mind. How much it clear my mind when I started to jog. The hard wind blown againts my body, making me much slower than my susal pace. Not that I jog often, I havent been jogging since last year. Do I try to jog when I have problems.? It seems that I do.

Remember the days, I jog every alternate days, from garden to garden. Most of the time I pick few friends house make it the point of destination. Sometimes I could jog reach the field play soccer then jog back home.It makes jogging much more interesting. On the days nearer to competition I dedicate to run almost everyday and other endurance practice. My prime days I could do 30 laps with no problem. My pick up days (days without training) I can do 10 laps without practice. Are those my peak?? Have I reach maximum of my potential? If so maybe Im not good as I think I am

I couldnt jog much now, I often give up halfway or less than that. Feel I am much heavier than I am used to. (thankful on that though). Feel tired easier, no desire to push my body. I give up on jogging easily.

I had this reflection the long time ago thats why this "jogging" became my topic. Jogging and Living through life has a lot in common. Sometimes we run up hill or down hill. We dont get to enjoy life all the time too, we have our ups and down too. So bear with the "downs" in our life and enjoy the "ups" in our life. Always think there will be another downhill coming after running so much in the uphill. Dont be despair if you day, weekend or even month is bad. Because the day will become better soon.

My peak endurance of my high school days, has it come to an end when I now hardly can run. I dont really know. This part of life, I call realising have I reach my potential in life? I always wonder. Can I be better? In life in studies, in work especially in games. But as soon as I think to myself I have reach my potential I wouldnt want to push it. A person should have the maximum potential but we will never discover the maximum if we continue to try.

Lastly please let me be able to push myself to run. I guess not I think I have to rely on basketball to force all this thing.

Lazy Lion

Sick and Tired...

2008-05-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

Sick, Tired, Selfish, thats all I can think of now...

Lion

Flames..

2008-05-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

I felt stupid, really stupid for my actions.

Thinking this would be just another trip down to CS. In the car i pretty arrogant you might say. I thought I knew a lot of things about cars. But for the fact I do not. Today I nearly die in a car,

The car pop, smokes covered the windshield. Immedietly I stop, Joe and Jennifer went down. While Im still in the car, only thing i could think of is calling my sister. In the midst of the thick smoke Joe yelled "Get out the car Lionel, the car is on fire!!!!!" In my mind I still did not sense danger. Within minutes the car engulfed in flames. We couldnt retrieve our stuff: Joe's cellphone, Jennifer's luggage and camera and my shirt and boots. Helplessly we see the car burn to ashes.

Recollecting yesterday, I told Jennifer she must be careful while driving and telling her stuff that I knew. I never imagine my car could catch on fire. Feeling I knew nothing now. STUPID ME

In other side, I feel a little blessed that we did not crash and burn. But it only material lost. Remembering that I few times escape without a scratch.

1. I zigzag in Daddy's motorbike in pouring rain coming back from Gerald. Was fighting with the Kancil car. A slight knock I could have flown and hit the hard curb and died there.
2. I was angry after the football game. Was riding Daddy's bike again, In tight 90 turn I skid the whole bike, the step was scraping the floor. I could have lost my leg in that incident (Saw my boots it already out of shape already.
3. I had accident with the civic. I got off just with minor bruise.
4. And today's car accident. I could have killed Jennifer and Joe together.

Thinking again wouldnt be easier if I could only die in any of the accident. Probably I wouldnt be this messed up. Sigh.

Sorry I could have killed my friends. How can I ever pay back thier lives. Think of other people's safety when fetching others. A MUST THING TO REMIND MYSELF AND OTHERS

I lost Daddy's hard earned money again. Sigh, I am really sorry when things thought to be straightend up this happen.

If I were to go please let me go and alone.

Deep Thoughts..

2008-05-03T23:27:00.000-07:00

Tired from work, got out of the car after hearing those painful words.
Carrying a load of things and some of my tacos fell, I pick it up realising it is a clear night with so many bright stars. Thought to myself, these were the stars made us fell in love with each other. The three stars we used to stare when we are out at night. Now its only me alone walk under the stars.
How can I bear to watch these stars again knowing we might not enjoy it anymore. Have I not show enough of love? Have I not care enough? It seems it was never enough, maybe I am not a good lover. Sorry to make you hurt, sorry for not care enough.

How can I sleep knowing Im not at your heart anymore

Decisions

2008-04-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

We have to all make decisions, sometimes there is decisions tough to make. Which is better, for oneself or for others. Do we have to make decisions just for ourself?? Or do we need to considerate others in our decision making.. Would sacrifice ourself to benefit others? We often see in movies where one have to make a decision to sacrifice itself to bring others happiness. I wonder how many could have done that. How many can make a decision to end some one's life if they are really in pain.

Little cow is going to leave us. Sis asked Why wouldnt I pay him a visit. Dont know why, I dont really want to meet him. Seeing him that weak makes me sad. But I finally took a look at him today. He is really weak, couldnt even lift up him head. Could only move his tail a little to acknowledge that Im there. Sad to see when you love something has to die and leave us and we will never meet again.

A little memory ~

2008-04-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

These few weeks came and go that fast. Times flies, sometimes i really wish that God would turn back the time. I always said if you can only turn back 4.5 years ago, I would do things much differently. If I knew I would be this bad. I want to be better. I felt I wasted a lot of things. Sigh

Sis and Family came back, I didnt know i miss them that much until they were gone. Baby Laynce came back but he isnt tht fat anymore. Suddenly, I think I saw my own reflection on him. Trully, he really does look like im small. Suddenly I fear, will he be like me. Its definately not a good thing. Sigh, helplessly scared he would be like me. Not that I did something really that bad . But I am dissapointed with myself. Hopefully he wont step the road I have walk.

Mag was talking the other day, If Jay will be like me that would be good. Sigh, even I dont want to be myself. How good would that be. Sadden myself

Trully regret I drag myself onto this path.

Lion

Tired..

2008-03-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

Tired is the only way I stop thinking about you. Bob Marley's song is so beautiful

Three Little Bird - Bob Marley
"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

"Rise up this mornin',Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birdsPitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songsOf melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
"Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

"Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birdsPitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songsOf melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right.
Don't worry!"

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" -
I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.

"Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right"
- I won't worry!

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Bob Marley

If the we could only really let everything down. And dont worry, let him does it for me.

New found confidence, really hope I can bring this on court. Miss the old times

Misery

2008-03-21T23:43:00.000-07:00

I guess I have a lot of time to blog recently, I guess it should be a good thing to blog around.

Came back home, it was late... I dare not to look at her. Knowing we would be separated soon.. I will miss you so much

LBC

Little Black Car

2008-03-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Tribute to little black car

She is sleek, elegant, sporty, loud, furious at times. But she is also gentle, comfortable and warm when needed to be.

This is the story of " Little Black Car" .... How we first met. It was a Saturday afternoon. My sister made an appointment with me to meet up with her. I didnt know what am i expecting actually it was my first time. I had to take an afternoon leave through the Mr. Indian ( I actually forgot his name). As usual to save his $ 2.50 / hour he reluctantly let me go. It was far and it took me an hour plus just to get to fort worth where the car dealer ship was.

We reach there around 3+ my sister told me it was the black car on the hanging garage thing.. On the first look she looks fine, later a big black guy came down asking which car we wanted to test drive. We pointed "her" she was raised down. We climb into her, took her for a spin she roar into life, I made up my mind then. She was I wanted. Sister has to come out with $500 for the deposit
when back X5 went down. Late for work but I was happy.

I still remember the day I got the car, we trade in red protege for $500. On the way back i stall the engine, and it wouldnt start back because of the rug stuck beneath the clutch.

I spent $99 for a detail car wash. It was good and its the first time i spend so much on cleaning the car.

Every week I wash the car at least twice a week, no matter how cold the weather was I still give her a nice bath despite the cold bite I get from my hands I still thinks that it is worth it. THe waxing i give it 3 hours minimum the shine i get out of it made me a proud owner. Hardly ever pump other gas station besides Shell. I give her the best Shell V-Power. Its getting more expensive i think its worth it compare to other gas. Would rather not drive it than putting in less good gas.

I remember people would laugh at her, her big ass wing made her rice-y. Yes I was young and green. I put down my head brace myself, putting up numbers better than those modify more than my car. learning as fast as I could at the end I was just a few seconds away from the STi-s .. they dare not to laugh at her anymore as she had earn thier respect already.

Now having to put up wit the life not having her around. The breeze i get driving her around. The confidence I get from getting her around. I think I will miss her a lot. I love you

"Little Black Car"

Thanks

2007-11-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

Thanks for coming down

It takes so long , so much energy ... i know because i drive a lot too. Thanks for coming back .. for 3 straight weeks ... I know you work so hard so we can see each other every weekend. I know you didnt have to do that but you did and I love you so much for that... cant wait to see you this weekend again.

Lion

THings changed...

2007-11-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

So many months has passed, yes im not a regular blogger.

Many things has happend, so much so i was surprised.
First of all i became fellowship leader, something i wouldnt have expect my entire life. Since I became fellowship leader I put on a more serious face, friendly face and carry the burden to try to lead the fellowship into better spiritual growth. Many things have to consider, many things has to be debate, amny advise has to be listen, hopefully im doing the right thing and leading the fellowship into the right direction.

As for my personal life, many things happened too.

Many things i have learnt, who to trust, who can not be trusted. Who is buddy for life and who is not. How feelings can be a lie too. How when u think u trying to do a right thing, ending up people said u nosed too much and hate you. Next time just do not care about anything, except for those you REALLY REALLY care about.

Finally I found my love, yes it was crazy 2 weeks. I have only met not too long ago. Trully in love wit her
realised dont need to say much. She is the one for me. Not too tight, enough for me to catch a breath sometimes but willing to play cuddle and loving couple when we are together. Doesnt complain tht im not always wit her. Probably this is how we keep things afresh. Doesnt need me to hang on the phone 24/7 but still loving when i needed too. Love me for who I am I dont need to be super good /gentle man meaning i dont need to strech myself. Loving her more the moment i wake up thr is a kiss, a good morning kiss. Breakfast is ready, room is well tided. Although doesnt need her to do those, but she did it and i love her for that too. Talked about our future together, even started on talking about "Little Lionel" haha some wat surprise me too.

But for who i am today. I dont think i will go to the end. I will want to save some for later. Hope she will understand.

Loving and happy crazywildman

...

2007-04-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

scared I might not do well this semester. But some subjexts are alright i guess i have to keep my head down the work hard to the rest of the semester.

We won again yesterday though a little scary at the end but hey a win is a win

Lonely...

2007-02-03T14:20:00.000-08:00

Nice get to go out with the gang after a long long time since i go for fellowship.

Had a good practice today. But much to do to improve.
After practice was driving home too lazy to prepare late lunch so stop by Mcd. realised how lonely I am, didnt feel too good. sigh.

need to work on my test ... first term test is coming

busy busy busy

2007-01-30T08:08:00.000-08:00

Because of some reason I had to take 20 credit hours this semester. This makes me full with work. Then again im good at makin time for myself to play.
Volleyball season coming up. First season into the amature league. Some what exciting and a little worried. What if we get beaten badly this would kill some spirit for volleyball. Every one well almost everyone is working hard. Some even play, well they no longer play anymore they train everyday. Due to study and my body dont really allow me to play everyday. Its putting strain on my body. How often i do sports everyday not since after SPM.
Then again I didnt play volleyball for almost a month this makes me really out of form. Need more play time. Basics and timing are completely out.
After sport looking back at my studies ... So much to do ...then again happy i got few professor really relax :)
Work hard for everything la.....

Its been a long long time my friend.

2007-01-17T21:25:00.000-08:00

Its been a long since I last blog. I lost sense of why should I blog in the first place. Then again if if i dont blog who else can i pour my heart out too. Partly because i dont like to blog bcos of my broken english makes me embraress of myself.

School havent started for me. Snow+ ice = holiday . Sometimes i feel my days wasted lo. New semester cant wait for it to end. But end it well .

I saw her yesterday
first time after almost 2 months or even more than tht i lost count. Yes i some what given up because i feared for the worst thats coming if i insist on. Call me a chicken call me useless. She has a boyfriend (which everyone knows about it but I dont some how she never mention to me). plus she misses home so much. probably because of the boyfriend la. And she is goin home this november. I know i should give myself a chance. but why makes things worst while things isnt too bad
although its not the way i want well, nothing in this world always go the way you want isnt it?

Yes happy that I found the old song. Been listening to it the whole day
although it didnt end well but hey i take it as it is.

久未放晴的天空依舊留著的笑容你

2006-09-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

day has gone by so fast. I had a nice dream yesterday wished it was real. Cal 2 test was easy and fast looking forward for weekend already hahahha

Empty day

2006-09-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

Slept late at nite about 130-2, It was raining so hard (530 am)that I woke up by the sound of the thunders. Good thing i woke up i remembered that I didnt fully close the sun roof. running outside with just underwear on. Didnt sleep well after that until 730 i got up to take a bath.

Church as usual, then to Yes cafe didnt have volleyball kind of not happy about tht.

Dont know when I saw her I felt the sensed of cold. Something is wrong some where I know it. sigh....

Sigh

2006-09-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

What a way to end a day.. Coming back home, a dreadful voicemail left on my cellphone.
Comin back getting nag again. I didnt felt good today. I needed to go out as my friend wanted to see me. I knew shouldnt be out. but then again its hard to say "No".

Painful reminder they give me week in week out now. Sigh I trully regret what I have done, wish I can turn back time and do things the correct way.
Painful feeling can be felt at my chest this burden i bring onto my sleep.

My First Time

2006-09-16T05:34:00.000-07:00

Had a Korean BBQ party, not bad. She looks so pretty yesterday. We didnt speak much. I think she knows how I feel about her.
Im feeling dreadful after yesterday. I felt really really cold.